13 7 / 2012
I haven’t been keeping up with this blog very well, but I thought I’d just write a quick note about how awful I feel. That’s a fun way to break my non-blogging streak, right?
Don’t worry; it’s nothing serious. I just made the idiotic mistake of staying up all night. I almost always crash when I foolishly do so, but it would be so nice to be back on a semi-normal sleep schedule. So I’m going to attempt to not fall asleep during the course of this day. It’s a lofty goal, but perhaps it can be achieved.
I feel like I’m starting to ramble and sound slightly insane, so I’ll sign off for now.
18 6 / 2012
I’m mostly just creating this tumblr for myself. I want a place to write out my feelings and progress. I’m hoping that writing down how I feel may keep me more accountable.
I have a hard time admitting this, but the truth is that I’m overweight. I’ve tried before to start an exercise regimen or start eating healthier, but I’ve never been able to succeed for long. I have a tendency to cave in on healthy eating after a few days and start attacking sweets (or on occasion other types of junky foods), leaving no prisoners. I also snack way too much. Once I start, I have a hard time stopping, and then I just feel defeated.
Exercise-wise, I just don’t have much motivation. I honestly just don’t like exercise. I’ve always been pretty unathletic, even dating back to my younger years. I’m going to try to do the Couch 5k program because I’ve heard it’s pretty doable, even for shlumps like me (I was surprised to find out, through Googling of course, that’s a real word.) Time will tell if that’s so. I suspect there will definitely be some re-doing of days, and I’m not sure it will work on me.
I guess I should write a bit about my motivation for wanting to lose weight. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t largely about looks. I’m not happy with the way I look. I feel pretty unattractive at my current weight, and it’s not fun. I hate going clothes shopping. I don’t like taking pictures. I know I have tons of clothes in my closet that I can’t wear because I’m too large for them. I don’t think losing weight would magically fix all of my problems, but I do think I would be happier if I liked the way I looked.
However, there’s also the issue of health. I’m not at a healthy weight for my height. My BMI states that I am decently overweight. I’ll weigh myself later, and if I’m feeling brave, I’ll post my stats. But I can tell you now that it’s not just a few pounds of vanity weight that I need to lose. I’m tired of feeling guilty every time I hear stats about the growing number of overweight people. I’m tired of not feeling my best. Also, I’m scared that I’m just going to keep gaining weight if I don’t do something about it now. I want to look good, but I also want to be healthy person.
I don’t know how successful I’m going to be in this journey. I don’t know how long I’ll keep at this tumblr. I don’t know a lot of things.
But I do know that in this moment, I want to lose weight. I want to be healthier. I want a fresh start.